Relax, Everything Is Deeply Intertwingled

Nixon 2, bin Laden 1

Regarding the wickedly entertaining Republican convention this week, I learned the following statistic last night from CNN's Larry King Live:

# of speeches mentioning Richard Nixon: 2
# of speeches mentioning Osama bin Laden: 1

It's a beautiful thing.

Arnold Schwarzenegger (in his speech): "Listening to Nixon speak sounded more like a breath of fresh air!"
Jon Stewart (in The Daily Show): "I guess if you come from the land of Hitler's birth, Nixon might seem like a breath of fresh air..."

(Also beautiful: only one Republican President/VP ticket from 1952 to 2004 didn't include a Nixon, Dole, or Bush: the 1964 Goldwater-Miller ticket.)

Paul Krugman: "Why are the Republicans so angry? One reason is that they have nothing positive to run on (during the first three days, Mr. Bush was mentioned far less often than John Kerry). The promised economic boom hasn't materialized, Iraq is a bloody quagmire, and Osama bin Laden has gone from 'dead-or-alive' to he-who-must-not-be-named. Another reason, I'm sure, is a guilty conscience. At some level the people at that convention know that their designated hero is a man who never in his life took a risk or made a sacrifice for his country, and that they are impugning the patriotism of men who have."

Ah, that wacky electoral vote... don't you just wish the 2004 presidential campaign could go on forever?

Bush Haikus

I'm collecting some of my favorite George Bush Haikus that I've written for the Orkut community of the same name:

No child left behind?!
Let me suggest a new name:
All kids left behind.

No child left behind?!
So many kids now trail, it's
no child right behind...

Children left behind
catch up by getting drafted
and fighting our wars...........

CCR said it
the best: "It ain't me, I ain't
no fortunate one."

When I get to the
bottom I go back to the
top of the slide! Sigh.

Three million jobs lost.
But why should Bush/Cheney care?
Unemployed don't vote.

George: "Economy?"
John: "Economy, stupid!!"
George: "Economy??"

More tax cuts, woo hoo!
I'll try not to spend it all.
Consumption is fun!!

Bush re-election
plan has a fitting code name:
Preparation H.

Really ask yourself:
Are you feeling better off
than four years ago?

Fear drives Consumption,
which drives The Economy.
Must create more Fear.

Deficit? No worries.
It's only a few trillion;
our children can pay.

I sincerely hope
the masses decide this one,
not the Supreme Court.

Health Care may suck, but
slashing The Death Tax means big
dollars when you die.

Jobs going offshore.
I'll practice flipping burgers
by flipping the bird.

Jobs going offshore...
Hey, outsource the President!
We'd save lots of cash!!!

Has anyone asked
Bush if he would send his own
daughters to Iraq?

How many must die?
George Bush, are you listening??
HOW MANY MUST DIE?

Environment? Ha!
Everyone knows it belongs
to the high bidder.

No child left behind?
Maybe we misunderstood.
Know child left behind!

Know child left behind.
But in order to know, you
need education...

Primates on the Web:
Dubya Dubya Dubya dot
Bush or Chimp dot com.........

Reading this here link
fills me with profound sadness.
They just... don't... get it.

Party of Lincoln?
No. Chris Rock said it the best:
Party of Lexus.

Vote for one Yale guy,
or vote another Yale guy.
Makes me wanna Ralph...

Ralph Nader running?!
GOP loves Ralph Nader!!!
Here we go again.................

Ralph Nader is back!
Supreme Court getting ready
to help with results...

Three Supreme judges
retiring soon? My nightmares
are now more vivid...

Ralph, at least have fun.
In the debates, ask Bush: "Why
trade Sammy Sosa?!"

Ralph, to save some time,
just go straight to Florida,
and campaign for Bush............

i am dunrk rgiht noow!!1!1!!11!!
ltaer il'l be sobre, but
bush wlil sitll be dmub

Let me be clear here.
This ain't a vote for John; it's
a vote against George.

Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. It's a dumb question... skip it.

Bolinas Did What?!

SF Gate: 'The quirky coastal hamlet of Bolinas is now officially a nature- loving town that also likes blueberries and bears and even skunks. That, at least, is as good an interpretation as anyone has come up with for Measure G, a stream-of-consciousness initiative that passed Tuesday despite a wide variety of opinions about what exactly it would do for this far- out town north of Stinson Beach. The measure, submitted by a woman who wears burlap and paints her face with chocolate, advises the Bolinas Community Public Utility District to adopt a policy defining the town as "a socially acknowledged nature-loving town because to like to drink the water out of the lakes to like to eat the blueberries to like the bears is not hatred to hotels and motor boats. Dakar. Temporary and way to save life, skunks and foxes (airplanes to go over the ocean) and to make it beautiful."'

Never Hold Your Thoughts In

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine and into your brain . . . that's where shitty ideas come from!

Fnoud In Eiaml

ancoicdrg to rcesareh at cgmiabrde usiinertvy, it dosnet matetr in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are the olny inprmoett tinhg is taht the fsrit and lsat lteter be in the rgiht pacle. the rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe

Plus ça Change

Maureen Dowd: "This is how bad things are for George W. Bush: He's back in a dead heat with Al Gore. (And this is how bad things are for Al Gore: He's back in a dead heat with George W. Bush.)

One terrorist attack, two wars, three tax cuts, four months of guerrilla mayhem in Iraq, five silly colors on a terror alert chart, nine nattering Democratic candidates, 10 Iraqi cops killed by Americans, $87 billion in Pentagon illusions, a gazillion boastful Osama tapes, zero Saddam and zilch W.M.D. have left America split evenly between the president and former vice president.

'More than two and a half years after the 2000 election and we are back where we started,' marveled John Zogby, who conducted the poll.

It's plus ça change all over again. We are learning once more, as we did on 9/11, that all the fantastic technology in the world will not save us. The undigitalized human will is able to frustrate our most elaborate schemes and lofty policies."